vindictus!!! play now :):):)

hungry hungry hippo!!

i just got kicked to the ground and beat with a stick by mgmt 1000 midterm exam.

that’s why.

at least now i know.

now our conversations have been reduced to one word sentences.

good job.

im such an idiot!! wtf is wrong with me?

i guess its true what people say about not knowing what’s precious to you until it’s gone.

i miss you and yes, i did dump you, and yes, i did say i didnt care about breaking up with you but it took me a month to realize that I DO CARE. you’re not even that great of a boyfriend. correction: you suck as a boyfriend. but still, there’s something about you that i can’t forget. even though you dont text me back or you won’t call me, i don’t care. i just want to be able to sit next to you and know that you belong to me.

i saw you today and for a second it’s like nothing’s changed. i talk to you like i always have and you talk to me like you always have. i guess it feels like nothing’s changed because we weren’t even a touchy-feely couple to begin with. we never held hands in public or linked arms or anything. and it made me so happy when you remembered that i love ajisen and desserts. it may seem like something so little, but it makes me happy to know that you haven’t forgotten about me yet. it makes me happy that sometimes you think of me too. so today felt like any other day with you. and maybe thats why i’ve got this feeling of hope inside me; hope that we can get back together again. yet a part of me also knows that you just dont like me that much. you dont like me enough to be in a relationship with me.

we rushed things the first time. we didn’t take time to get to know each other. i dont mind being friends…for now. i want you back.

what’s the deal with me and these guys? guy a dated me but didnt like me and i end up liking him the most. guy b is overly-emotional and that puts too much pressure on me. guy c is a player who can lie to me to my face. yet guy b and guy c are the ones that i know would be willing to date me. so why would i end up liking the one guy who doesnt like me?

maybe our timing was totally off. after all, you just got out of a relationship with your ex-girlfriend not long before. and i know how much you care about relationships. if you like someone, then you like them. you’re not the type of guy who plays around. i like that about you. i like knowing that you’re a guy who takes responsibility for his actions. i like how honest you are.

i wonder if you ever really liked me?

maybe at the beginning you didn’t. but as time went by, i wonder if you started to feel something for me.

is it too late now?

its over yay.

its not that i care about breaking up with him as a person. im just hurt by the fact that he didnt even like me that much to begin with and he still went out with me. what if i didn’t want to break up with him? then i’d end up falling for him harder and he wouldn’t have any feelings for me at all. in the end, he’d dump me and i’d be so much more hurt. how can people do that? if you dont like the person, don’t date them. i don’t care if its out of pity or w/e, just don’t do it.

i dont really like myself right now because i put myself in this position. it’s like this everytime. a guy says he likes me and if he doesn’t look like a toad i go along with it and end up going out with them. im so superficial and easy. and now, this other guy comes along and its like the same thing. he says he likes me and suddenly im so intrigued by him. i text him like mad, talk to him on msn like mad and hang out with him and everything. i dont even know if i like him that way. maybe i just like being liked. i talked to him about this problem and i guess he understands. hes a really sweet guy and i know he wont hurt me intentionally. but most of all i dont want to hurt him. even though in this past relationship i just had, i ended up being the one hurt.

speaking of which, yes, this new guy is very sweet but this is only because he’s going after me. my ex used to be so sweet too. he used to stay up to wait for me to get off work just to talk to me and he used to call me all the time and call me lp and everything. then we started dating and everything stopped and he turned cold. so what if this new guy is sweet and cute and everything but once we start dating the same thing happens? i dont even know if i can handle that anymore because it wouldn’t be the first time it’s happened.

i acknowledge the fact that i am leading him on. if i really didn’t have any feelings for him, i should just tell him straight up. but the point is that i don’t know. i have no idea what im feeling right now. everything is all jumbled up and with my recent break up im feeling more confused. im pretty sure i dont like my exbf anymore but the relationship on a whole has left me feeling…weird. i dont know.

please excuse my rant.

we labelled ourselves and everything changed and not in the way i hoped/thought

lmao.

wtf?~!