its over yay.

its not that i care about breaking up with him as a person. im just hurt by the fact that he didnt even like me that much to begin with and he still went out with me. what if i didn’t want to break up with him? then i’d end up falling for him harder and he wouldn’t have any feelings for me at all. in the end, he’d dump me and i’d be so much more hurt. how can people do that? if you dont like the person, don’t date them. i don’t care if its out of pity or w/e, just don’t do it.

i dont really like myself right now because i put myself in this position. it’s like this everytime. a guy says he likes me and if he doesn’t look like a toad i go along with it and end up going out with them. im so superficial and easy. and now, this other guy comes along and its like the same thing. he says he likes me and suddenly im so intrigued by him. i text him like mad, talk to him on msn like mad and hang out with him and everything. i dont even know if i like him that way. maybe i just like being liked. i talked to him about this problem and i guess he understands. hes a really sweet guy and i know he wont hurt me intentionally. but most of all i dont want to hurt him. even though in this past relationship i just had, i ended up being the one hurt.

speaking of which, yes, this new guy is very sweet but this is only because he’s going after me. my ex used to be so sweet too. he used to stay up to wait for me to get off work just to talk to me and he used to call me all the time and call me lp and everything. then we started dating and everything stopped and he turned cold. so what if this new guy is sweet and cute and everything but once we start dating the same thing happens? i dont even know if i can handle that anymore because it wouldn’t be the first time it’s happened.

i acknowledge the fact that i am leading him on. if i really didn’t have any feelings for him, i should just tell him straight up. but the point is that i don’t know. i have no idea what im feeling right now. everything is all jumbled up and with my recent break up im feeling more confused. im pretty sure i dont like my exbf anymore but the relationship on a whole has left me feeling…weird. i dont know.

please excuse my rant.